Is anal not socially acceptable to talk about anymore?

I know I said I was gonna be treading lightly like .2 seconds ago, but this is a topic I need to talk about. That's the kind of blogger I am. I'm not afraid to tackle the tough subjects. Over the weekend I finally crossed anal off my bucket list. It was something I was a bit skeptical about at first, but am all in on now. I loved it, she loved it, everything about it was great. Unfortunately, I was in a house with about 20 other people and the news spread rather quickly. I honestly can't believe how much shit (no pun intended) I got for it. I had half my friends calling me a legend, the other half saying I was gross and refused to even let me touch them. Ummmm I'm sorry when did not gay butt sex become so frowned upon? I was under the impression every guy and like 50% of chicks have either done it or planned on doing it. "Bart the butt fucker" was pretty much what I was called the entire day yesterday. Even when I just walked by all I could hear was "There goes Bart the butt fucker". Well I guess this is my life now, sleep with one eye open everyone.

PS- I am still absolutely flabbergasted how clean a chick's asshole can be.

I'm Baaaacccccckkkk

It's been about 6 months since I last blogged for you peasants but, by popular demand I've decided to come out of retirement. Who am I to deprive the people what they want? Now if you've followed this blog before I think we all remember how I definitely didn't get fired for blogging. Having said that, I do have an entirely new job that is much more corporate so I'm definitely gonna have to tread lightly. I've got about 6 months of shit to catch up on but, better late than never I suppose. The only question is do I still have it...

30 days until I become a Millionaire

ESPN.com-2K Sports announced out of the blue this morning that not only will “MLB 2K13” be published this year for the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3, but the company’s million dollar perfect game challenge will also return, giving baseball fans the chance to live out their dream of getting rich playing video games. 
According to the press release, “MLB 2K13” will be available March 5, and Tampa Bay Rays’ ace David Price will appear on the cover.
Nearly 1 million attempts were made to win the perfect game challenge last year, with more than 1,000 perfect games recorded, before 21-year-old Christopher Gilmore finally won an eight-player tournament against the top 2K players in the world to capture the $1 million grand prize.

Hey Chris Gilmore I'm coming for that ass (that sounded gay didn't it?)! Last year I threw three perfect games out of the 1,000 that were thrown. Finished in the top 100. 80 spots away from a million dollars. I repeat, I'm coming for that ass. That's how I get my first million, I know it and so do you. I will put my heart, sweat, self-worth, and dignity into this game to win a million dollars. I WILL make a million dollars playing video games.

PS- Just hope T Boon Pickens doesn't hear about this, wouldn't want him stunting on me heavy like he did Drake...

First day back at work was excruciating

My first day back at work on the worst day ever. The day after the Super Bowl is unequivocally the worst day of all time. Factor in that it was my first day at a new job, and my first day after sleeping until 3 PM for a week and a half. I almost passed out after an hour. Yea it was good to "interact" with people and all but after an hour all I wanted to was go back to bed and fire up the xbox. Terribly long, had a headache all day and like four coffees. No more football for over 200 days, lost a million dollars on the worst no pass interference/holding (and the coin toss) call I've ever seen, new job, ten hour day after not working for a week and a half, all around longest day ever. Can't say I didn't enjoy it while it lasted though, that vacation will go down as my greatest performance of all time. Probably make an ESPN classic out of it. The Immaculate Vacation, I can see it now

Lady Goes 44 years without taking a sick day

Yahoo- Can you imagine going one year without using a sick day at your job? Now imagine not using a sick day for 44 years! Well, today Ms. Deborah Ford is retiring from the U.S. Postal Service after going 44 years without using any of her sick days.

The cutest thing is that Ms. Ford doesn’t see what all the fuss is about. According to ABC News Ford told reporters, “I was trying to do the best I could, and that just evolved into working all my scheduled days.”

She says when she was sick she would just “shake it off,” and for doctors appointments she would use vacation days.

They just don’t make ‘em like this anymore. You rarely see this kind of workplace commitment. Although, shaking it off doesn’t seem like the best method for recovery or keeping the rest of the office from getting sick, I respect the dedication.

Ford, who is 64 years old, will be retiring in her home town of Detroit from her job in payroll and timekeeping management for the city’s main post office. We congratulate her on her dedication to the US Postal Service and wish her well in retirement.

Its been a while since my last blog but I felt like I had to chip in on this story.  I'm honestly concerned for this lady. I've pretty much gotten a taste of my retirement over the last week. It's been unbelievable. I chalk it up to experience. Some might go crazy, doing nothing all day every day. Not me. Ice water in my veins. Biggest 9 days off in my life and I'm pitching a perfect game. Just doing absolutely nothing and loving it. But I've played in the big game before. I've called in sick, I've used vacation days, I've seen it all. But this lady doesn't even use her vacation days right. I mean using your them to go to the Doctor's office? So your vacation every year, for the last 44 years, is a trip to the Doctor's? How riveting! Honestly I can see the story now. Two days into retirement this lady offs herself. Book it.

This Mini-Vacation Is Ruining My life

No joke, I haven't woke up before 3:00 PM once since I've been on this mini-vaca. Just staying up til 4 am, waking up at 4 PM. I woke up yesterday, and I knew it was gonna be 4 PM but I was praying the clock would say 1. It didn't. I was legit crossing my fingers that it was only 1 PM not 4 PM. I always thought this would be the life and how I'd be if I was a millionaire, but after the last 6 days I'm seriously  reconsidering ever taking a day off from work again. I don't catch my first wind until like midnight now. How the fuck am I supposed to go back to work now?

Two quick Tinder questions

I have a couple questions for the ladies of the Tinder world. My first being whats up with the pictures of girls and their (ex?) boyfriends? Like why would you put up a picture of you snuggling with your boyfriend. You think I'm gonna like that? How about a picture of you in your Halloween costume or what you wear out on a Friday night, then I'll give you a shot. But all these chicks with pictures of them hugging and kissing their boyfriends can get outta my face. Don't waste my time bitch.
Second, what about the chicks with pictures of them with a baby? Does that mean your a mom? Like you have a kid and your showing them off on your Tinder profile? Great parenting. Don't get me wrong on this one I don't mind banging a chick with a kid, but don't flaunt it in my face. I don't need to see a baby in your lap while I'm trying to decide if I'd bang you or not. Just saying it's not helping your chances.